Yesterday.

Also known as the next adventure in a week that stimulated me far more than I wanted...or not. I said earlier that I do love summer, and what is summer for if not doing stuff.

But honestly, yesterday was sort of an interesting day. In the good news: I got to go Downtown (yes, again) to the Taste of Chicago. Bad News: It's a long story...

That goes something like this: My mother was going into the city to meet in person a guy she had been talking to on the phone from an online dating site. I did push her to meet him. I don't know why. Maybe because I want to see her with someone because after learning that she had two failed marriages, I want her to be happy. Was it a good idea? Perhaps...Shows she has some self-confidence. Well, within five minutes my mother storms away from the guy because he said something along the lines of "you're a disappointment/ not what I expected" (whatever jerks say). Kathy and I left when she first met him and went to get pizza from the Taste, and we barely started eating when she begged us to return.

I don't get it. It just palin, old makes me very sad. I don't think my mother is unattractive at all. And for the most part, I think she has a good personality. Yes, she was more insecurities than me. But she didn't deserve this "rejection." Now she is going to use this experience as an excuse to think badly about herself again, to run back to the people she has unhealthy relationships with (think sister and a friend). Meanwhile, I'm begging my mother to stop digging herself into a futile hole and use this time to do something to improve hersself...join a fuckin' bookclub or a grassroots political instead...I was just too upset to string thoughts to together very well. movement (*cough*socialist*cough*) No. I'm not sure if I'm even do that, and lately, socialism has seemed pretty damn appealing.

I actually don't think I wrote about Tuesday when she told me about "that." I wrote to my friend about it...I was just so upset. What point was I trying to make here? Argh, I don't recall...mhm. I should create a post about Swedish Days.

What I really don't get is this idea of 'phsyical attraction." Dang, I must truly be an intellectual, but I don't think like that. I just imagine relationships as the conversations you can have with that person. When I look at myself, I see someone who is not pretty. I have never considered myself pretty- not when I used to wear baggy clothes, because my face is too big and pimply, not now...even when sometimes, I think I might be cute. I wonder who will want to be with me...This "me" who doesn't fit in anywhere. I was talking to Kathy about how I thought I never quite fit in with my highschool friends, and you know, she said she felt the same way. Like she was imposing upon "our" group. What a silly word group is...I was clinging to Alex because I needed her to help me find "myself." Alex always like everyone else more than me (I'm probably wrong about that...) And well, shit, I don't care. This post was not about them.

Anyway, the Taste was fun. I hadn't been there since I was a small child, and Kathy hadn't been there at all. I got to eat pizza and ice cream, which is utopia to me pretty much. Even had enough credits to get pizza for this morning. So this weekend, I ate little else but pizza and ice cream. Amazing.