My Own Fault.

I've been miserable, and I've been blaming the wrong person. Truly the right the person to blame is ME. I let this hell happen to me.

It's my fault for trusting people. Because no one has shown to me that they care enough to sacrifice for me when it really comes down to it. Obviously, I'm not an outgoing enough person, not an interesting enough person, too self-absorbed, too scatterbrained, too pathetic...too whatever! But blame it on whatever character flaw you want, and I'm still a loser. A pathetic useless loser who everyone lies to and abandons in the end...because...THERE'S SOMEONE BETTER OUT THERE! YIP.

My original problem was telling my mother two years ago. I created years of havoc, ruined both my parents lives. Now he is all alone because my words stigmatized the world against him. She had to leave her easy life. Nevermind the fact that a shitload of money was wasted. That now she is alone. I made such a mistake trusting her, putting my life in someone else's hand...Yeah, I should have walked away. You would have been better off not knowing the truth. You can't bare the truth because you can't handle change.

More recently my issue was coming back here, but hell if it wouldn't have been selfish of me not to come home to a place I MADE you live in. Like "Oh mess up your whole life for ME, but I'm going to leave anyway!" Okay.

I'm a really, really bad person. Every single person who says they love me would rather be with someone else. I've suffered through trying to help people, trying be close to them. What have I gotten in response? An ex-best friend who blamed all our problems on me and ultimately betrayed me with no remorse, no sad memories whats-so-ever. What's worse, everyone agreed with her, went back to her. Left me. It's my fault. MY FAULT. I ONLY REGRET STAINING MY HANDS. HAD I NOT, I COULD HAVE BEEN FREE.

What the hell do I do now? I'm all alone and wasting my life. I'm so frustrated.