An Update...

Since I haven't posted anything here since the Monday of the week I returned to school. Well as the previous sentence says I returned to school!!! Yip, very exciting ^_^

Sadly though, my excitement lasted about one day...then I was overwhelmed with work. Brillant me had to take six classes...most of which involve lots of reading

And I have to stop typing for a second since I forgot to finnish some of the homework for one o fmy literature classes...

And finnished it it now.

I tend to think my life has more meaning when I am busy...better than sitting around wasting time on the internet...like I did all summer. WTF.

See this how I hate myself...I hate everything I was and will do anything not to be like that...this is not healthy. But how can I like myself? The one person who knew me most rejected me...

The downside to being busy is you don't get to go too deep into anything...and deepness is what I love most, isn't it...when I am focused on getting work then my mind can't focus on a single thing long enough to figure it out and I am just left terribley confused.

Like I am now. Confused, feeling unloved, insecure and totally wrong. Not like me at all. Me...

I told my friend I changed over summer, but not in a way I could really describe and this is true. I don't understand myself now...I don't know who I am...why I am doing all this...

Two nights in a row I dreamed of her...of us being reunited. Then last night I dreamed a fire destroyed my house. Two nights in a row I woke up gasping even though I could breath...last night I was listening to WT and stopped myself.

WT sounds foreign. It sounds boring...

I guess I'm jsut restless...searching for that one thing that will define and fix everything that I am feeling right now. I've been here before...patience I guess will save me with time.

Maybe I have grown up...come to understand the lie that is passion and innocence and the trouble these things get you in. Maybe I've become cold and can no longer trust...

But alas I must go work-out now...the brief time that I get to escape into my own world and just listen to music ^_^

You are out there somewhere, right Sharon?