Promise

During the ball tonight, I was talking to my friend, and I made a promise that I wasn't going to compare myself to other people anymore. I told another friend yesterday that I would be the happiest person in the world if I could just stop comparing myself to others. I would love myself in a vacuum. If I was the only person in the world, I would be the best.

Can I can keep such a promise? Knowing that I am not perfect? That there will always be people more popular, smarter and more out-going than me?

I have to.

I can't live my life wanting to die.

It's not like my in the least. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past month. I think it is time I come back though...so I enjoy the rest of the semester with my friends and not make myself crazy. Right now, I am happy in a melancholy sorta way. My new bird friends are staring at me from their perches...listening to Michelle Branch...I used to love her in high school...I used to love a lot of more mainstream music before I got really into femme metal. The song Tuesday Morning holds A LOT of emotion for me. "Please don't drive me home tonight. I don't want to feel alone."

I did used to be "unaware" of the world. Maybe I've become too aware. Maybe.

I also found out today that I most likely won't be able to study abroad in the nederlands because that program is too expensive...That is kinda devastating to me. I REALLY want to go to the Nederlands...It figures that both of my favorite countries are not feasible....*sigh* I have a month to decide what I want to do. I can either find another program or just graduate after next year...But I really want to go to Europe a lot. This might be my one chance to really experience what I have awlays dreamed of...