April

"And when the lights die down telling us who we are..."

Toward the end of March, I started writing a poem about my MIXED feelings toward the month of March. Looking back, I don't really know if I finished that poem, but I stopped writing it. March ended, and I ended up in April, my favorite month.

The March poem read:

Dear March:
On the eve of spring and April Rain,
With time as a bandit at my heels
Chasing me toward a future
So unlike any past I recall
Where I saw the bright blue sky
That witnessed a rebirth
Where now can my mind wander?
When the world is no longer the same
When once again uncertainty demands my hand
I’m a beggar bowed before the shrine
Eyes closed, hands clasped tight
Seeking a direction, looking for a sign
But Fate only glances back, perplexed
Like I asked a dreadful question
“How have things come to this?”
When did scorn steal the diamonds
From spring’s eyes
I asked March nicely
Why it always takes and takes
Why must my mind go numb?
I hear my own voice speaking
Whispering words of loss and mockery
Punctuating all my thoughts
Dicing my wishes into meaningless chunks
Left behind in the wake of the latest storm
Through the tree’s still barren branches
That wait for April’s blessing to burst with joy
Shines a wary sun that asks the world
With its black winged birds and gales
“Dare I open my eyes in light of reality?”
Shall we all play the role of keeper
Of fate’s secret that spring will die
Soon as well after I’ve waited so long

I don't know why I feel compelled to share that now...THAT IT IS MAY<3

No wait. This post is DEDICATED TO APRIL.

So...

Dear April,

Thanks you for showing me that fortune really does smile on me. In the past few weeks, I have felt a happiness and a hope greater than ever before. I love April not just because it silently acknowledges my ancient plight, but also because it truly does signify rebirth. April exemplifies that storms, pain does in fact bring beauty and happiness. And I watch April pass by and leave me in its wake, leaves me wondering if I made the most out of my April. I don't know. I never know if I'm living my life to the fullest. Maybe that is why I feel depressed so much, why -forgot what I was going to type here actually-. So let's go over the highlights of April...

Easter weekend. I just know that was fun cuz it was even if I don't remember the specifics...oh yes, I am oh so envious of my friends who have APRIL birthdays. But oh wait, I remember I DIDN'T enjoy the parks by the apartment because the swings are like decorations. Regardless of anything, this moving thing is still going to take a lot of time to get used to. At least I saw my friends though...even if I was still battling with some rather strong feelings of depression.

Busey-Ball. I actually wore a dress this time. Even if I do look fat because I'm too white and my face is blob-y. I had a lot of fun dancing with my friends, and I am so glad at least one of our programs was a success...minus the cake incident, which luckily was not blamed on us.

Sonata Arctica. LMAO. 'nough said since it GOT ITS OWN POST.

Mom's Weekend. Now I'm just getting sapppy...but I was really glad I got to enjoy a day with my mother on campus. *blush*

Relay for Life. So touching. Not going to elaberate because I'm in solumn support of the cause.

FeelGood. Various fun selling shifts. My touching speech. My hopes for humanity<3 Our end of the semester meeting.

BE a Leader. I'm more sarcastic than a leader actually...but hell, even though she thought my speech was a "joke" all my friends appreciated it.

The kite. I SWEAR I WANTED TO FLY A KITE IN THAT FIELD FOR SO LONG.

Illinites TONIGHT. I have the comlusive need to paint...things...lmao. Can I say that I live for fifty cent pizzza? Good times ^_^

And of course, I need something WT related...but actually, we found out Stephen is leaving so yesterday was WT (as we know and love them)'s last show. BUT THEY PLAY UTOPIA<3 LIVE. I'D CRY IF I SAW UTOPIA. OH I KNOW. ALL I NEED was on some tv show so YEAH. AND MY FRIEND KNEW IT WAS WT! My job is done.

Right now, I stand on the brink of final's week of my sophmore year of college. It's May first. HAPPY MAY DAY!!!! I'm refrain from going into a socialist rant...