Second Semester

I'm back at school!!! Second semester brought some changes to my door step. Obviously I'm in new classes (no more statistics or biological pysch), which will hopefully go well. I'm more excited about these classes than the ones I took last semester so we'll see how this goes...

The dorm looked even more like an institute when I returned. Even worse the room across the hall from and next to me is empty. Creepy much? I told everyone we should stick a flag in the hallway and declare this land our own. Good times.

I'm adopting a new attitude now-a-days. One that doesn't promote me murdering every little action I take like I used to do. Really I'm going to see when trusting myself to do what I really want will get me. I'm not saying I'm going to slack off, just not going to push myself should false expectations because I feel like I'm not 'normal.' I'm on a journey and sometimes the only way to know if I'm on the right path is to test the water.

At first the new semester scared me. I was walking home from the bookstore carrying heavy bags in my frozen hands thinking about how much work I had to complete, how hard the work will be. I almost cried. But I can see why things go. I'm stronger now. I know how to handle bad situations better. I know I can overcome.

But most importantly I know I can right again. It might seem weird, but since last semester I was convinced I couldn't write anymore. I felt my writing was too choppy and didn't flow like it should. I didn't have the same insight I used to. I thought I lost a part of myself and changed beyond repair.

I think I tried to kill the 'weak' part of myself and thus eliminate the 'strong' part because those parts of me that make me flawed are what make me 'me.' I would love to deny it, but I am the sum of good and bad, failure and sucess. I'm not just the invented image I have of myself in my mind. Once I would love to see 'me' through someone else's eyes. Maybe not even a good friend's but perhaps an aquitance just so I could see me objectively...

"We've all been sorry. We've all been hurt. But it is how we survive that makes us who we are."

Or what the lyric to "Survive" is.

I've really come to love the band Rise Against. Their song "Audience of One" really spoke to me. Actually anything about moving on from the past and losing friends really speaks to me. I guess that is just where I am at in my life.