We actually had like FIVE happy blogs in a row.
Since I started another post, I feel COMPELLED to talk about something meaningful....SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I BRING YOU...
..........................
Okay, fine. I will "discuss" the song "Street Spirit" by Radiohead. "This machine will not communicate these thoughts and the strain I am under"
Apparently this song is about looking the devil in the eyes. What's even funnier is that I only got listening to it because I fell in love with the symphonic metal band Stream of Passion who cover the song on their latest album...so once I got that cd, I was listening to it (not that impressed sadly...) BUT I WAS LIKE OMG STREET SPIRT FTW. And I actually felt bad because my fav song on the cd isn't even that band's song. So long story short, now SS is my song of the moment. THANK THE TOASTERS, IT'S NOT BEYOND ME ANYMORE.
Just cuz this is the 6TH HAPPY BLOG. I'm going to listen to Optimistic. WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE OPTIMISTIC IS A GREAT SONG TO LISTEN TO ON MAY DAY!
"And dinosaurs will roam the Earth"
Yip. MR. THEREODACTL<3
Friday, April 30, 2010
April
"And when the lights die down telling us who we are..."
Toward the end of March, I started writing a poem about my MIXED feelings toward the month of March. Looking back, I don't really know if I finished that poem, but I stopped writing it. March ended, and I ended up in April, my favorite month.
The March poem read:
Dear March:
On the eve of spring and April Rain,
With time as a bandit at my heels
Chasing me toward a future
So unlike any past I recall
Where I saw the bright blue sky
That witnessed a rebirth
Where now can my mind wander?
When the world is no longer the same
When once again uncertainty demands my hand
I’m a beggar bowed before the shrine
Eyes closed, hands clasped tight
Seeking a direction, looking for a sign
But Fate only glances back, perplexed
Like I asked a dreadful question
“How have things come to this?”
When did scorn steal the diamonds
From spring’s eyes
I asked March nicely
Why it always takes and takes
Why must my mind go numb?
I hear my own voice speaking
Whispering words of loss and mockery
Punctuating all my thoughts
Dicing my wishes into meaningless chunks
Left behind in the wake of the latest storm
Through the tree’s still barren branches
That wait for April’s blessing to burst with joy
Shines a wary sun that asks the world
With its black winged birds and gales
“Dare I open my eyes in light of reality?”
Shall we all play the role of keeper
Of fate’s secret that spring will die
Soon as well after I’ve waited so long
I don't know why I feel compelled to share that now...THAT IT IS MAY<3
No wait. This post is DEDICATED TO APRIL.
So...
Dear April,
Thanks you for showing me that fortune really does smile on me. In the past few weeks, I have felt a happiness and a hope greater than ever before. I love April not just because it silently acknowledges my ancient plight, but also because it truly does signify rebirth. April exemplifies that storms, pain does in fact bring beauty and happiness. And I watch April pass by and leave me in its wake, leaves me wondering if I made the most out of my April. I don't know. I never know if I'm living my life to the fullest. Maybe that is why I feel depressed so much, why -forgot what I was going to type here actually-. So let's go over the highlights of April...
Easter weekend. I just know that was fun cuz it was even if I don't remember the specifics...oh yes, I am oh so envious of my friends who have APRIL birthdays. But oh wait, I remember I DIDN'T enjoy the parks by the apartment because the swings are like decorations. Regardless of anything, this moving thing is still going to take a lot of time to get used to. At least I saw my friends though...even if I was still battling with some rather strong feelings of depression.
Busey-Ball. I actually wore a dress this time. Even if I do look fat because I'm too white and my face is blob-y. I had a lot of fun dancing with my friends, and I am so glad at least one of our programs was a success...minus the cake incident, which luckily was not blamed on us.
Sonata Arctica. LMAO. 'nough said since it GOT ITS OWN POST.
Mom's Weekend. Now I'm just getting sapppy...but I was really glad I got to enjoy a day with my mother on campus. *blush*
Relay for Life. So touching. Not going to elaberate because I'm in solumn support of the cause.
FeelGood. Various fun selling shifts. My touching speech. My hopes for humanity<3 Our end of the semester meeting.
BE a Leader. I'm more sarcastic than a leader actually...but hell, even though she thought my speech was a "joke" all my friends appreciated it.
The kite. I SWEAR I WANTED TO FLY A KITE IN THAT FIELD FOR SO LONG.
Illinites TONIGHT. I have the comlusive need to paint...things...lmao. Can I say that I live for fifty cent pizzza? Good times ^_^
And of course, I need something WT related...but actually, we found out Stephen is leaving so yesterday was WT (as we know and love them)'s last show. BUT THEY PLAY UTOPIA<3 LIVE. I'D CRY IF I SAW UTOPIA. OH I KNOW. ALL I NEED was on some tv show so YEAH. AND MY FRIEND KNEW IT WAS WT! My job is done.
Right now, I stand on the brink of final's week of my sophmore year of college. It's May first. HAPPY MAY DAY!!!! I'm refrain from going into a socialist rant...
Toward the end of March, I started writing a poem about my MIXED feelings toward the month of March. Looking back, I don't really know if I finished that poem, but I stopped writing it. March ended, and I ended up in April, my favorite month.
The March poem read:
Dear March:
On the eve of spring and April Rain,
With time as a bandit at my heels
Chasing me toward a future
So unlike any past I recall
Where I saw the bright blue sky
That witnessed a rebirth
Where now can my mind wander?
When the world is no longer the same
When once again uncertainty demands my hand
I’m a beggar bowed before the shrine
Eyes closed, hands clasped tight
Seeking a direction, looking for a sign
But Fate only glances back, perplexed
Like I asked a dreadful question
“How have things come to this?”
When did scorn steal the diamonds
From spring’s eyes
I asked March nicely
Why it always takes and takes
Why must my mind go numb?
I hear my own voice speaking
Whispering words of loss and mockery
Punctuating all my thoughts
Dicing my wishes into meaningless chunks
Left behind in the wake of the latest storm
Through the tree’s still barren branches
That wait for April’s blessing to burst with joy
Shines a wary sun that asks the world
With its black winged birds and gales
“Dare I open my eyes in light of reality?”
Shall we all play the role of keeper
Of fate’s secret that spring will die
Soon as well after I’ve waited so long
I don't know why I feel compelled to share that now...THAT IT IS MAY<3
No wait. This post is DEDICATED TO APRIL.
So...
Dear April,
Thanks you for showing me that fortune really does smile on me. In the past few weeks, I have felt a happiness and a hope greater than ever before. I love April not just because it silently acknowledges my ancient plight, but also because it truly does signify rebirth. April exemplifies that storms, pain does in fact bring beauty and happiness. And I watch April pass by and leave me in its wake, leaves me wondering if I made the most out of my April. I don't know. I never know if I'm living my life to the fullest. Maybe that is why I feel depressed so much, why -forgot what I was going to type here actually-. So let's go over the highlights of April...
Easter weekend. I just know that was fun cuz it was even if I don't remember the specifics...oh yes, I am oh so envious of my friends who have APRIL birthdays. But oh wait, I remember I DIDN'T enjoy the parks by the apartment because the swings are like decorations. Regardless of anything, this moving thing is still going to take a lot of time to get used to. At least I saw my friends though...even if I was still battling with some rather strong feelings of depression.
Busey-Ball. I actually wore a dress this time. Even if I do look fat because I'm too white and my face is blob-y. I had a lot of fun dancing with my friends, and I am so glad at least one of our programs was a success...minus the cake incident, which luckily was not blamed on us.
Sonata Arctica. LMAO. 'nough said since it GOT ITS OWN POST.
Mom's Weekend. Now I'm just getting sapppy...but I was really glad I got to enjoy a day with my mother on campus. *blush*
Relay for Life. So touching. Not going to elaberate because I'm in solumn support of the cause.
FeelGood. Various fun selling shifts. My touching speech. My hopes for humanity<3 Our end of the semester meeting.
BE a Leader. I'm more sarcastic than a leader actually...but hell, even though she thought my speech was a "joke" all my friends appreciated it.
The kite. I SWEAR I WANTED TO FLY A KITE IN THAT FIELD FOR SO LONG.
Illinites TONIGHT. I have the comlusive need to paint...things...lmao. Can I say that I live for fifty cent pizzza? Good times ^_^
And of course, I need something WT related...but actually, we found out Stephen is leaving so yesterday was WT (as we know and love them)'s last show. BUT THEY PLAY UTOPIA<3 LIVE. I'D CRY IF I SAW UTOPIA. OH I KNOW. ALL I NEED was on some tv show so YEAH. AND MY FRIEND KNEW IT WAS WT! My job is done.
Right now, I stand on the brink of final's week of my sophmore year of college. It's May first. HAPPY MAY DAY!!!! I'm refrain from going into a socialist rant...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sentences!
A Metaphor by ME!
If our lives are stories, each moment of time is a sentence. Every sentence begins with a subject—us. When we write that first word—our name, I—, we define ourselves. In essence, we are the one who chooses our sentence structure—our words, our actions, our punctuation. We walk out into the world, into the rain, shine or bustling wind unsure of any direction, uncertain if our words, our actions will make any sense. But we have a goal—a direct object that our actions are moving us toward. Sometimes our subjects and verbs are in perfect agreement—a witty match leads to a success. Other times we shake with dissonance, on the brink of tears because we couldn’t get our grammar—our internal rules—down. Our tenses don’t match up, we’re single and we want oh so badly to be plural and our verbs weren’t strong enough to convey the intended meaning. Somehow though, we struggle through awkward phrasing, words we don’t know and misspelling. Like the tangents and interjections that we scatter through-out our narratives, we often stumble upon contexts, phrases and even sentences that make no sense. With our minds muddled, we must choose a direct object, the goal are acting are directed toward. Fear not, though, no sentence is complete without an indirect object—that person, those people who help us, who hold our hand and guide our actions. As approach the end of another sentence, we put learn to place another period, to declare to the world our meaning.
If our lives are stories, each moment of time is a sentence. Every sentence begins with a subject—us. When we write that first word—our name, I—, we define ourselves. In essence, we are the one who chooses our sentence structure—our words, our actions, our punctuation. We walk out into the world, into the rain, shine or bustling wind unsure of any direction, uncertain if our words, our actions will make any sense. But we have a goal—a direct object that our actions are moving us toward. Sometimes our subjects and verbs are in perfect agreement—a witty match leads to a success. Other times we shake with dissonance, on the brink of tears because we couldn’t get our grammar—our internal rules—down. Our tenses don’t match up, we’re single and we want oh so badly to be plural and our verbs weren’t strong enough to convey the intended meaning. Somehow though, we struggle through awkward phrasing, words we don’t know and misspelling. Like the tangents and interjections that we scatter through-out our narratives, we often stumble upon contexts, phrases and even sentences that make no sense. With our minds muddled, we must choose a direct object, the goal are acting are directed toward. Fear not, though, no sentence is complete without an indirect object—that person, those people who help us, who hold our hand and guide our actions. As approach the end of another sentence, we put learn to place another period, to declare to the world our meaning.
Lucky.
Today is one of the days I realize just how lucky I am. Sure I have my insecurities and hellish past, but honestly, there are some things in my life that am I truly honored to be a part of.
1. B-E. I'm not saying what that is since then you can stalk me, but the people I've met here and the things I've been involved with have changed my life.
2. FeelGood. We raised over 2000 for the Hunger Project. By selling grilled cheese. Now if that isn't saving the world...<3
3. My friends! Yeah. 'enough said.
4. It's necessary for my to mention WT. Of course. You'll forever in my heart. Even if today was your last show with Stethen on the drums...
5. My talent. My passion. My hopes.
I will keep working hard. I will be better than even this moment now.
So thank you all who have had an impact thus far on my life.
1. B-E. I'm not saying what that is since then you can stalk me, but the people I've met here and the things I've been involved with have changed my life.
2. FeelGood. We raised over 2000 for the Hunger Project. By selling grilled cheese. Now if that isn't saving the world...<3
3. My friends! Yeah. 'enough said.
4. It's necessary for my to mention WT. Of course. You'll forever in my heart. Even if today was your last show with Stethen on the drums...
5. My talent. My passion. My hopes.
I will keep working hard. I will be better than even this moment now.
So thank you all who have had an impact thus far on my life.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Somewhat devastating...
She won't be the RA next on my floor next year.
I won't have an excuse for being obsessed with her.
I'm going to miss contact with her.
DAMN. WHY?
Can't I have one desire that can work out?
I won't have an excuse for being obsessed with her.
I'm going to miss contact with her.
DAMN. WHY?
Can't I have one desire that can work out?
Time is just a concept...
I actually don't think time is a concept...at least not a concept in the psychological sense (which is obviously my favorite sense since I'm an aspiring psychologist and a self-proclaimed know-it-all when it comes to emotional and social situations). But my tearing apart of Epica songs has nothing to do with the point of this post...actually I WANT TO KNOW WHY THE MAN IN UNLEASHED'S VIDEO WALKED TOWARD THE ROBBER????
I've overwhelmed with the coming of the end of the year! Another year pretty much done. I won't be a sophmore in college in two and a half weeks. I'll be half-way done.
1. I have to write a 15 page paper for my Rhethoric class. It's the one class that makes the Creative Writing major not fun.
2. I feel guilty about going home for the summer. Some of my friends are staying here or have internships or something else kewl that will help them get ahead. My hopes for the summer: 1. get a job. I need money for my study abroad adventures 2. Volunteer at at least one cause that is important to me 3. Work on my novel idea (I want to type write a novel but COME ON! DOESN'T EVERYONE WANT TO WRITE A NOVEL?) 4. Go on at least one trip...I'm probably going to Cali for a FeelGood camp later in the summer...I want to drive to Canada when I get a passport.
So! here's osmething that has been weighing on my mind. I got this opportunity to go to mexico to volunteer in a developing village. yes! Right? No. first of all, I really don't have the moeny. Second. I'M SCARED OF DYING. Third. I can't just be like "hey, mom! I'm going to a remote village for a week! 4. I don't have a passport.
BUT TRUST ME. THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
I think I need to learn Spanish. I think I need to learn a lot of things...
I need to short out my mess of WANTS and desires. I need to find a way to reach my dreams.
I've overwhelmed with the coming of the end of the year! Another year pretty much done. I won't be a sophmore in college in two and a half weeks. I'll be half-way done.
1. I have to write a 15 page paper for my Rhethoric class. It's the one class that makes the Creative Writing major not fun.
2. I feel guilty about going home for the summer. Some of my friends are staying here or have internships or something else kewl that will help them get ahead. My hopes for the summer: 1. get a job. I need money for my study abroad adventures 2. Volunteer at at least one cause that is important to me 3. Work on my novel idea (I want to type write a novel but COME ON! DOESN'T EVERYONE WANT TO WRITE A NOVEL?) 4. Go on at least one trip...I'm probably going to Cali for a FeelGood camp later in the summer...I want to drive to Canada when I get a passport.
So! here's osmething that has been weighing on my mind. I got this opportunity to go to mexico to volunteer in a developing village. yes! Right? No. first of all, I really don't have the moeny. Second. I'M SCARED OF DYING. Third. I can't just be like "hey, mom! I'm going to a remote village for a week! 4. I don't have a passport.
BUT TRUST ME. THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
I think I need to learn Spanish. I think I need to learn a lot of things...
I need to short out my mess of WANTS and desires. I need to find a way to reach my dreams.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Stand By
For a string of posts about how I want to die and hate myself and how no likes me.
Also I do believe I'm going to have to severly punish myself.
What am I doing?
What about doing what makes me happy? What about BEING HAPPY? About smiling and losing myself in some fantasy?
oh right. I can't write for shit. I'd like to know HOW MUCH BETTER the stories that won the contest were than mine. Did the judges laugh? I'd laugh. I do laugh while I die on the inside. While I hate my friends, hate Sarah for having so much more potential than me. Hell I HATE EVERYONE BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER THAN ME.
OH I KNOW LET'S STAY UP LATE AND WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH WE SUCK! BRILLIANT. ALL THE WHILE YOU EAT A LOT AND THEN DON'T WORK-OUT. YOU'RE A FUCKIN' FAT ASS ALRIGHT. USELESS AND HOPELESS. GIVE UP. STFU. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING OUT OF YOU.
I'm just a bitch. Gah.
Also I do believe I'm going to have to severly punish myself.
What am I doing?
What about doing what makes me happy? What about BEING HAPPY? About smiling and losing myself in some fantasy?
oh right. I can't write for shit. I'd like to know HOW MUCH BETTER the stories that won the contest were than mine. Did the judges laugh? I'd laugh. I do laugh while I die on the inside. While I hate my friends, hate Sarah for having so much more potential than me. Hell I HATE EVERYONE BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER THAN ME.
OH I KNOW LET'S STAY UP LATE AND WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH WE SUCK! BRILLIANT. ALL THE WHILE YOU EAT A LOT AND THEN DON'T WORK-OUT. YOU'RE A FUCKIN' FAT ASS ALRIGHT. USELESS AND HOPELESS. GIVE UP. STFU. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING OUT OF YOU.
I'm just a bitch. Gah.
Stupid
Let's re-examine what I did tonight just for fun, alright! While listening to Beyond Me...because I think hearing voices is better than being me.
And to think earlier today I wanted to start another blog to write happy things...to conceal the reality that I want to kill myself. Shows you where my priorities are.
I was having a perfect good day: lots of reading<3 some nice self reflection, scones ie happy Amy, but of course, I'm a screw by nature so things can't stay well. See I had a party for the magaziene I write for and well, long story sort I was leaning toward not going...BUT THOSE VOICES IN MY HEAD WERE LIKE "OH AMY, YOU FREAKIN' ANTI-SOCIAL LOSER! YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING INTERESTING! YOU WANT TO SIT IN YOUR ROOM AND READ ALL NIGHT? OF COURSE. WHAT A LOSER. NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES YOU."
I went to my friend for guidance, but sadly, she was watching television and couldn't be bothered. What she said: Oh if it was me I'd just make friends and have them drive me (or something like that).
OH FUCK. I'M SORRY I'M NOT POPULAR LIKE YOU. I'M SO SORRY I'M NOT AS EXTROVERTED OR OUT-GOING. OR FAKE. DON'T THINK I DON'T REALIZE YOU CALL EVERYONE YOU'RE FAVORITE PERSON. I'M NOT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON. I'M NOT ANYONE'S BEST FRIEND. I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN. EVER. I'LL BE LOSER IF NEED BE. I DON'T NEED YOU RUBBING IT IN THAT I DON'T REALLY ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE AT WORK ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. OKAY SO LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU MADE ME CRY. I CRIED.
Then I left. I lied to you. I told you I was going to work-out while in reality I was actually have way to the party. Right. I had to go to prove to myself I'm not anti-social. That's not a good reason. So much for self-confidence. I could have finished my book...
You know what else? I'm a hypocrite. Because given the chance, I drank. Okay. I know I'm not supposed to with the medicine I take and I know our group doesn't do that stuff and I know I'm defs not a partier, but HELL. I didn't say know. I was kewl with taking drinks. I WANTED TO DRINK. I WANTED TO LOSE MY SOCIAL INHIBITION. THAT'S PATHETIC. TRUST ME.
Mind you I really didn't drink that much. Not enough to be "drunk" or anything but I guess I'm not a good drunk. I get more ANTAGONISTIC. I leave at 11pm with another girl who is walking in my direction because 1. I'M A SQUARE AND WOULD RATHER DO OTHER THINGS THAT PARTY 2. I'm scared of being attacked. It's truth. Or maybe I'm just using it as excuse.
I came back (slightly tipsy most likely cuz I was talking a lot on the walk back) and went down to the library and told my friend from above off. I told her she shouldn't mock me anymore about being a loser. That hell, I know she is better than me. I know this. Okay, don't rub it in. I'M SO FUCKIN' SORRY I'M NOT LIKE YOU. STFU AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
It shouldn't be this big of a deal. Okay. I drank. A little. I hate myself. I hate my introverted tendencies. I hate that everyone has more to do.
So much for the blog about not wanting to die.
Maybe tonight was a crappy attempt at suicide. At forgetting who I am.
And to think earlier today I wanted to start another blog to write happy things...to conceal the reality that I want to kill myself. Shows you where my priorities are.
I was having a perfect good day: lots of reading<3 some nice self reflection, scones ie happy Amy, but of course, I'm a screw by nature so things can't stay well. See I had a party for the magaziene I write for and well, long story sort I was leaning toward not going...BUT THOSE VOICES IN MY HEAD WERE LIKE "OH AMY, YOU FREAKIN' ANTI-SOCIAL LOSER! YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING INTERESTING! YOU WANT TO SIT IN YOUR ROOM AND READ ALL NIGHT? OF COURSE. WHAT A LOSER. NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES YOU."
I went to my friend for guidance, but sadly, she was watching television and couldn't be bothered. What she said: Oh if it was me I'd just make friends and have them drive me (or something like that).
OH FUCK. I'M SORRY I'M NOT POPULAR LIKE YOU. I'M SO SORRY I'M NOT AS EXTROVERTED OR OUT-GOING. OR FAKE. DON'T THINK I DON'T REALIZE YOU CALL EVERYONE YOU'RE FAVORITE PERSON. I'M NOT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON. I'M NOT ANYONE'S BEST FRIEND. I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN. EVER. I'LL BE LOSER IF NEED BE. I DON'T NEED YOU RUBBING IT IN THAT I DON'T REALLY ASSOCIATE WITH ANYONE AT WORK ON A PERSONAL LEVEL. OKAY SO LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU MADE ME CRY. I CRIED.
Then I left. I lied to you. I told you I was going to work-out while in reality I was actually have way to the party. Right. I had to go to prove to myself I'm not anti-social. That's not a good reason. So much for self-confidence. I could have finished my book...
You know what else? I'm a hypocrite. Because given the chance, I drank. Okay. I know I'm not supposed to with the medicine I take and I know our group doesn't do that stuff and I know I'm defs not a partier, but HELL. I didn't say know. I was kewl with taking drinks. I WANTED TO DRINK. I WANTED TO LOSE MY SOCIAL INHIBITION. THAT'S PATHETIC. TRUST ME.
Mind you I really didn't drink that much. Not enough to be "drunk" or anything but I guess I'm not a good drunk. I get more ANTAGONISTIC. I leave at 11pm with another girl who is walking in my direction because 1. I'M A SQUARE AND WOULD RATHER DO OTHER THINGS THAT PARTY 2. I'm scared of being attacked. It's truth. Or maybe I'm just using it as excuse.
I came back (slightly tipsy most likely cuz I was talking a lot on the walk back) and went down to the library and told my friend from above off. I told her she shouldn't mock me anymore about being a loser. That hell, I know she is better than me. I know this. Okay, don't rub it in. I'M SO FUCKIN' SORRY I'M NOT LIKE YOU. STFU AND LEAVE ME ALONE.
It shouldn't be this big of a deal. Okay. I drank. A little. I hate myself. I hate my introverted tendencies. I hate that everyone has more to do.
So much for the blog about not wanting to die.
Maybe tonight was a crappy attempt at suicide. At forgetting who I am.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sonata Artica
Before anyone asks how the show went...actually a few people already asked...lmao!
SO!!!! I was orginally a little unsure if I wanted to go see SA because 1. I don't know them THAT well. I only have their latest cd that I got from the music store's going out of business sale 2. Going would require a lot of money in transport to get back to Chicago and then back to Chambana BUT! I AM SO GLAD I DECIDED TO GO SEE SA<3
FIRST OF ALL: FINNISH MEN<3 'nough said. I'm pretty sure that Finnish musicians are amongst the kewlest things in existence. Especially when they are gorgerous Finns (ie Tarja, Tuomas and Tony...no, I'm not gender discrimative). FINNS<3 FINLAND!!!
Secondly: Metal shows are exciting even when you don't know the bands. You can get into the songs headbanging and screaming even if you don't know the lryics! A good act will have LOTS OF ENERGY regardless of how big the fanbase in the crowd is or how well the audience knows the music. It's just even MORE awesome when hordes of people are SINGING ALONG AND SCREAMING! Then there's the moshing...Just push back if you're peaceful (like me).
SO! Here's the important part:
Show started at around 6pm. We got there at 5:45-ish? I don't know. We weren't in THAT big of a rush because I wasn't compelled to wait in line to be first in. I'm really non-violent too so I don't usually push unless my friends are there to push with me but alas, they weren't so only semi-in the front for me. Btw, attending metal concerts is a family affair for me so my mum was there (actually mum comes cuz she wants to see WHY I AM IN LOVE WITH THESE PEOPLE...cuz the first time she went was Tarja and honestly, I go through phases where Tarja is every other word out of my mouth so...yeah...Anyway. We go in, I of course have to use the bathroom (sadly, they took the condom machine out of the House of Blue's bathroom...it was there in winter of '07) and then I got an AWESOME SHIRT WITH FINNISH FLAGS ON THE BLACK (which is slightly too large, but I'm wearing it now anyway...)There was already a large mass of people in front of the stage so we lingered in the back while the first opening act played...
I don't really know what to say about PowerGlove. There's these nutty guys who play old cartoon/ videogame songs. Nerdy much? But really funny! I think a lot of the crowd appreciated them...(correlation between liking heavy metal and video games?) <---Most likey! I for one like both...except the more intelligent side of both...that is RPGS and femme metal (lmao). They played like the theme from Transformers, Power Rangers, Mario, MegaManX and Mortal Combat. They had funny costumes. To quote my mother: "And to think that is someone's son." Me: "There are worse sons..." That aside they were kewl. Some person in the audience was like "They're the kinda of music you don't tell your friends you like." I don't mind telling people they amused me. I even thought of texting a friend and saying that this was amongst the first times I actually enjoyed an opening act.
Next came Mustiny Within. They kinda sounded like generic metal to me. I have their cd somewhere on my computer but don't really listen to it. There's gotta be some STRIKING feature about a band for me to love them. OH! THE SINGER CROWD SURFED THOUGH AND RAN THROUGHT THE AUDIENCE SINGING!!!! Good times! But once again I was thinking...BRING OUT THE FINNS<3 (actually when I saw Tarja a year ago, I actually screamed that at the close curtain...the HoB doesn't close the curtain between acts now though...they just do the set-up/ testing in front of everyone)I think the waits in between acts were less too. I remember DYING OF WAITING in the past but not so much last night.
Before I make STARTLING statement I need to qualify a few things...1. House of Blues has better sound quality than the place I saw Epica 2. I was in a MUCH BETTER MOOD last night than I was when I saw Epica 3. Finns.
Okay.
I enjoyed seeing Sonata Artica more than I enjoyed the Epica show.
There.
The voices in my head: BUT AMY?! YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH SIMONE! HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?
Me: *points to statements above* I just had more fun overall. I think SA was the best show I saw since Tarja..who incidentally was the best show I saw since Nightwish...trend of Finnish people much? Actually Tarja was better than Nw by a landslide. I'd say Tarja was the best show I ever saw, but I've seen WT and while seeing them meant NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT IT WOULD NOW, it's still WITHIN TEMPTATION. But Tarja's Tarja...and OI!!!! WT=RELIGION TARJA=IN A CAGE Conflict Resolved.
Now for a fangirl rant: TONY IS FUCKIN' GORGOUS!!! OMG, WHEN THAT MAN SMILES! (yeah, I get excited about attractive men too...they gotta be Finnish though...or Phantoms of the Opera) He glows. Legit. And he's hilarious. Like a comedian. Multi-talented. Truly Finnish (kinda like a Renainnace Man but a Finnish Man) So awesome! I love Finns! THEY'RE FROM FINLAND!
There was so great band-audience interaction. Tony was like TALKING TO THE CROWD<3 HE'S SOOOO FUNNY! i want one. The best was when he smiled. Defs<3 SO ADORBALE!!! HIS FREAKIN' EYES. HE'S THE GUY WHO I CREATED MY THEORY THAT ALL FINNS HAVE PRETTY EYES AROUND.
Yeah, that show also marks the FIRST TIME I SAW A BAND TWICE. IT'S NUTS! I WANTED THE FIRST BAND I SAW TWICE TO BE WT OR SOMETHING, BUT SINCE IT WAS FINNS<3, I'LL LIVE!!! IT WAS A GREAT SECOND TIME! Tony was also the first singer I saw who was wearing his bands t-shirt! BUT THEN AGAIN all the singers I usually see are like OMG, WE'RE FEMALE SO LET'S WEAR FEMALE STUFF! (yeah, but I'm not complaining...).
The Finns also performed music. They didn't just stand up on stage for me to admire. Sadly, I can't identify most of SA's songs. I picked out "Juliet, Full Moon, Don't Say A Word, The Last Amazing Grays <---My Favorite and Paid in Full" Maybe more. Maybe not. I only have their latest cd so...I did order two more of their cds though so I can look forward to that. SA has great energy. Really. I wasn't too close to the stage so I didn't have a great view, but I knew they were rocking out, and Tony was really moving around (adorablely might I add). I was screaming. My ears HURT LIKE HELL afterward. I was SCREAMING "OMG, THEY WERE AMAZING THOUGH, which means it was worth it. So, so exciting!!!
I only got to like the third row though, but it wasn't that bad except too far for me camera to work. Not THAT many tall people were directly in front of me, but still tall people who stand in the front row suck. I should get to stand on stage with the Finns<3 If I couldn't see, it wasn't THAT BAD because I could still hear and jump up and down in excitement! Which I do! Because I love jumping around!
I don't know how many different ways I can RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE SONATA! REALLY!!! JUST<3 I want to scream and cheer and frolic and be merry because FINNS ARE SUPER!!! I love when life confirms my obsessions.
Incidentally my mom likes Sonata too. Said they are her new favorite band (replacing her random obession with Coldplay...) LMAO. Okay...
Moral of the story: GO SEE FINNS IN CONCERT! THEY ROCK! THEY LIKE VODKA AND HAVE GOROUS EYES AND CREATE AMAZING, ENERGETIC MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO SCREAM "I LOVE FINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNLAND<3!!!!
I do love Finland.
Not just for the men.
Or the music.
My love is symbolic. I'm an English major.
But really (now for the emotional relevance) seeing Sonata really made me happy ^_^ It was just a great experience. Gorgous Finn+Awesome music=Happy Amy!
SO!!!! I was orginally a little unsure if I wanted to go see SA because 1. I don't know them THAT well. I only have their latest cd that I got from the music store's going out of business sale 2. Going would require a lot of money in transport to get back to Chicago and then back to Chambana BUT! I AM SO GLAD I DECIDED TO GO SEE SA<3
FIRST OF ALL: FINNISH MEN<3 'nough said. I'm pretty sure that Finnish musicians are amongst the kewlest things in existence. Especially when they are gorgerous Finns (ie Tarja, Tuomas and Tony...no, I'm not gender discrimative). FINNS<3 FINLAND!!!
Secondly: Metal shows are exciting even when you don't know the bands. You can get into the songs headbanging and screaming even if you don't know the lryics! A good act will have LOTS OF ENERGY regardless of how big the fanbase in the crowd is or how well the audience knows the music. It's just even MORE awesome when hordes of people are SINGING ALONG AND SCREAMING! Then there's the moshing...Just push back if you're peaceful (like me).
SO! Here's the important part:
Show started at around 6pm. We got there at 5:45-ish? I don't know. We weren't in THAT big of a rush because I wasn't compelled to wait in line to be first in. I'm really non-violent too so I don't usually push unless my friends are there to push with me but alas, they weren't so only semi-in the front for me. Btw, attending metal concerts is a family affair for me so my mum was there (actually mum comes cuz she wants to see WHY I AM IN LOVE WITH THESE PEOPLE...cuz the first time she went was Tarja and honestly, I go through phases where Tarja is every other word out of my mouth so...yeah...Anyway. We go in, I of course have to use the bathroom (sadly, they took the condom machine out of the House of Blue's bathroom...it was there in winter of '07) and then I got an AWESOME SHIRT WITH FINNISH FLAGS ON THE BLACK (which is slightly too large, but I'm wearing it now anyway...)There was already a large mass of people in front of the stage so we lingered in the back while the first opening act played...
I don't really know what to say about PowerGlove. There's these nutty guys who play old cartoon/ videogame songs. Nerdy much? But really funny! I think a lot of the crowd appreciated them...(correlation between liking heavy metal and video games?) <---Most likey! I for one like both...except the more intelligent side of both...that is RPGS and femme metal (lmao). They played like the theme from Transformers, Power Rangers, Mario, MegaManX and Mortal Combat. They had funny costumes. To quote my mother: "And to think that is someone's son." Me: "There are worse sons..." That aside they were kewl. Some person in the audience was like "They're the kinda of music you don't tell your friends you like." I don't mind telling people they amused me. I even thought of texting a friend and saying that this was amongst the first times I actually enjoyed an opening act.
Next came Mustiny Within. They kinda sounded like generic metal to me. I have their cd somewhere on my computer but don't really listen to it. There's gotta be some STRIKING feature about a band for me to love them. OH! THE SINGER CROWD SURFED THOUGH AND RAN THROUGHT THE AUDIENCE SINGING!!!! Good times! But once again I was thinking...BRING OUT THE FINNS<3 (actually when I saw Tarja a year ago, I actually screamed that at the close curtain...the HoB doesn't close the curtain between acts now though...they just do the set-up/ testing in front of everyone)I think the waits in between acts were less too. I remember DYING OF WAITING in the past but not so much last night.
Before I make STARTLING statement I need to qualify a few things...1. House of Blues has better sound quality than the place I saw Epica 2. I was in a MUCH BETTER MOOD last night than I was when I saw Epica 3. Finns.
Okay.
I enjoyed seeing Sonata Artica more than I enjoyed the Epica show.
There.
The voices in my head: BUT AMY?! YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH SIMONE! HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?
Me: *points to statements above* I just had more fun overall. I think SA was the best show I saw since Tarja..who incidentally was the best show I saw since Nightwish...trend of Finnish people much? Actually Tarja was better than Nw by a landslide. I'd say Tarja was the best show I ever saw, but I've seen WT and while seeing them meant NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT IT WOULD NOW, it's still WITHIN TEMPTATION. But Tarja's Tarja...and OI!!!! WT=RELIGION TARJA=IN A CAGE Conflict Resolved.
Now for a fangirl rant: TONY IS FUCKIN' GORGOUS!!! OMG, WHEN THAT MAN SMILES! (yeah, I get excited about attractive men too...they gotta be Finnish though...or Phantoms of the Opera) He glows. Legit. And he's hilarious. Like a comedian. Multi-talented. Truly Finnish (kinda like a Renainnace Man but a Finnish Man) So awesome! I love Finns! THEY'RE FROM FINLAND!
There was so great band-audience interaction. Tony was like TALKING TO THE CROWD<3 HE'S SOOOO FUNNY! i want one. The best was when he smiled. Defs<3 SO ADORBALE!!! HIS FREAKIN' EYES. HE'S THE GUY WHO I CREATED MY THEORY THAT ALL FINNS HAVE PRETTY EYES AROUND.
Yeah, that show also marks the FIRST TIME I SAW A BAND TWICE. IT'S NUTS! I WANTED THE FIRST BAND I SAW TWICE TO BE WT OR SOMETHING, BUT SINCE IT WAS FINNS<3, I'LL LIVE!!! IT WAS A GREAT SECOND TIME! Tony was also the first singer I saw who was wearing his bands t-shirt! BUT THEN AGAIN all the singers I usually see are like OMG, WE'RE FEMALE SO LET'S WEAR FEMALE STUFF! (yeah, but I'm not complaining...).
The Finns also performed music. They didn't just stand up on stage for me to admire. Sadly, I can't identify most of SA's songs. I picked out "Juliet, Full Moon, Don't Say A Word, The Last Amazing Grays <---My Favorite and Paid in Full" Maybe more. Maybe not. I only have their latest cd so...I did order two more of their cds though so I can look forward to that. SA has great energy. Really. I wasn't too close to the stage so I didn't have a great view, but I knew they were rocking out, and Tony was really moving around (adorablely might I add). I was screaming. My ears HURT LIKE HELL afterward. I was SCREAMING "OMG, THEY WERE AMAZING THOUGH, which means it was worth it. So, so exciting!!!
I only got to like the third row though, but it wasn't that bad except too far for me camera to work. Not THAT many tall people were directly in front of me, but still tall people who stand in the front row suck. I should get to stand on stage with the Finns<3 If I couldn't see, it wasn't THAT BAD because I could still hear and jump up and down in excitement! Which I do! Because I love jumping around!
I don't know how many different ways I can RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE SONATA! REALLY!!! JUST<3 I want to scream and cheer and frolic and be merry because FINNS ARE SUPER!!! I love when life confirms my obsessions.
Incidentally my mom likes Sonata too. Said they are her new favorite band (replacing her random obession with Coldplay...) LMAO. Okay...
Moral of the story: GO SEE FINNS IN CONCERT! THEY ROCK! THEY LIKE VODKA AND HAVE GOROUS EYES AND CREATE AMAZING, ENERGETIC MUSIC THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO SCREAM "I LOVE FINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNLAND<3!!!!
I do love Finland.
Not just for the men.
Or the music.
My love is symbolic. I'm an English major.
But really (now for the emotional relevance) seeing Sonata really made me happy ^_^ It was just a great experience. Gorgous Finn+Awesome music=Happy Amy!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Promise
During the ball tonight, I was talking to my friend, and I made a promise that I wasn't going to compare myself to other people anymore. I told another friend yesterday that I would be the happiest person in the world if I could just stop comparing myself to others. I would love myself in a vacuum. If I was the only person in the world, I would be the best.
Can I can keep such a promise? Knowing that I am not perfect? That there will always be people more popular, smarter and more out-going than me?
I have to.
I can't live my life wanting to die.
It's not like my in the least. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past month. I think it is time I come back though...so I enjoy the rest of the semester with my friends and not make myself crazy. Right now, I am happy in a melancholy sorta way. My new bird friends are staring at me from their perches...listening to Michelle Branch...I used to love her in high school...I used to love a lot of more mainstream music before I got really into femme metal. The song Tuesday Morning holds A LOT of emotion for me. "Please don't drive me home tonight. I don't want to feel alone."
I did used to be "unaware" of the world. Maybe I've become too aware. Maybe.
I also found out today that I most likely won't be able to study abroad in the nederlands because that program is too expensive...That is kinda devastating to me. I REALLY want to go to the Nederlands...It figures that both of my favorite countries are not feasible....*sigh* I have a month to decide what I want to do. I can either find another program or just graduate after next year...But I really want to go to Europe a lot. This might be my one chance to really experience what I have awlays dreamed of...
Can I can keep such a promise? Knowing that I am not perfect? That there will always be people more popular, smarter and more out-going than me?
I have to.
I can't live my life wanting to die.
It's not like my in the least. I feel like I haven't been myself for the past month. I think it is time I come back though...so I enjoy the rest of the semester with my friends and not make myself crazy. Right now, I am happy in a melancholy sorta way. My new bird friends are staring at me from their perches...listening to Michelle Branch...I used to love her in high school...I used to love a lot of more mainstream music before I got really into femme metal. The song Tuesday Morning holds A LOT of emotion for me. "Please don't drive me home tonight. I don't want to feel alone."
I did used to be "unaware" of the world. Maybe I've become too aware. Maybe.
I also found out today that I most likely won't be able to study abroad in the nederlands because that program is too expensive...That is kinda devastating to me. I REALLY want to go to the Nederlands...It figures that both of my favorite countries are not feasible....*sigh* I have a month to decide what I want to do. I can either find another program or just graduate after next year...But I really want to go to Europe a lot. This might be my one chance to really experience what I have awlays dreamed of...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Pathetic.
Why am I so pathetic?
Why do I keep thinking it would be better to die whenever I get upset?
Why do I constantly make myself feel horrible about who I am?
Why do I hurt so much when things really aren't that bad?
I look out the window and thinking that spring is so beautiful. I respect the lesson about embracing myself for who I am, but still! I am not good enough. I am pathetic. Comparing myself to my friends, I can easily see this reality. They all know more people then me, have more friends...than stupid scatterbrained, introverted me. It's like "oh amy, what an idiot...going off and doing stuff alone because she doesn't have anyone" I HATE YOU, SELF. I HATE THAT YOU AREN'T THE MOST POPULAR OR THE FUNNIEST OR WHATEVER ELSE WOULD GET YOU ATTENTION. What are you good for? All you do is complain and waste time! If you didn't waste time, you could actually do SOMETHING and be somewhat interesting...
Oi, I have another exam on Thursday. I took my kiwi to the exam this evening. Yeah.
Why do I keep thinking it would be better to die whenever I get upset?
Why do I constantly make myself feel horrible about who I am?
Why do I hurt so much when things really aren't that bad?
I look out the window and thinking that spring is so beautiful. I respect the lesson about embracing myself for who I am, but still! I am not good enough. I am pathetic. Comparing myself to my friends, I can easily see this reality. They all know more people then me, have more friends...than stupid scatterbrained, introverted me. It's like "oh amy, what an idiot...going off and doing stuff alone because she doesn't have anyone" I HATE YOU, SELF. I HATE THAT YOU AREN'T THE MOST POPULAR OR THE FUNNIEST OR WHATEVER ELSE WOULD GET YOU ATTENTION. What are you good for? All you do is complain and waste time! If you didn't waste time, you could actually do SOMETHING and be somewhat interesting...
Oi, I have another exam on Thursday. I took my kiwi to the exam this evening. Yeah.
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